Love Letter to Captain Crunch

Allan Lorde

Miranda Cain, Editor

Dear Captain Crunch:

What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east and Captain Crunch is the sun.

Oh my dear sweet love, how I hope you never leave my life.

Sweet delicacy of sugary cereal, how you brighten my life.

Love, Love! I never knew ye until thy cereal entered my life.  


Oh Captain Crunch, I could go on for hours and hours about how great you are. You have your wonderful fruity pieces and a good stable square base behind it. This captures the berries version, except you come in so many different variations: peanut butter, original, just berries, halloween crunch, christmas crunch, the variations go on and on.


Captain Crunch, your sweet goodness, without the negative effects of those horrible marshmallow intruders. How those terrible marshmallow sneaks intrude upon my perfectly good cereal. They taint the entire box and then the entire ratio between marshmallow and other bits and there is no possible way to get a bowl of just the bits and not the marshmallow!    


Everything about you Captain Crunch, you glorious most beloved cereal I hope you never ever change.



Your darling consumer