Charles Elected U.S. Senator

On Thursday, November 8th, 2018, A-TECH Graphics Design teacher Kelly Charles was officially elected U.S. Senator, winning the popular vote at an astonishing 100:0.

“You know I had to do it to ‘em” said Charles.

Accomplishing this tiny feat proved a challenge for the new boss of the U.S. of A.

“Mm, oh yea that thing,” said Charles as he licked the small amount cheeto dust off his fingers. “Yea, I was like ‘hey, politics seems fun,’ so I ran. It’s not like people had anything to make anti-Charles commercials on me [sic].”

First off, Charles had to get to the official Senator application from the official website. This process took about 6 weeks on A-TECH school wifi – a lighting fast speed unheard of in school history.

“I don’t know how he did it,” said fellow competitor Jonathan Synold. “I don’t know how and it makes me want to pull my hair out!”

After applying, Charles made several speeches around his home to convince citizens to vote for him.

“I made several promises to people, whatever they told me they wanted really,” said Charles. “Whether I’ll actually keep those promises, ehhhhhh… Thinking about abolishing the Bill of Rights though, it’s overrated nowadays, I-M-O.”

Charles hopes to make massive changes to make the U.S. a more appealing place, like implementing a new ideology he dubs “Freedom 2.”

“Trust me, the United States will be amazing. Big, beautiful, just trust me on this.”